I don’t think I should be in relationships anymore. I just don’t think they are right for me. I can get close to people and cuddle and kiss and have sex but I don’t feel anything for them. I don’t feel like I feel anything for anyone. I feel calloused to love. I feel compassion for the people who try to find it with me, but try as I might, I can’t provide love in return.
I don’t know if some would consider this a “phase” as it has been going on since my ex and I broke up. I haven’t had a proper ‘crush’ since then and I don’t really forsee anything of the sort in my future.
I deeply miss the newness of a relationship. When you want to spend all of your time and energy with that one person. When every kiss is better than the last and every new thing you learn about them makes you like them more. I miss that.